on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
