So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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