at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
