i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
