If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
