Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
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You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
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Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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