I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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