forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize