yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
