he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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