its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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