Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
