So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
