We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I just found a bag of teeth...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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