I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
