she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
im calling her cock vulture from now on
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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