I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
