if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
