the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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