a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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