you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
