i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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