toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
