At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
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