**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
