Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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