I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
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we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
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I just want nice things and good sex
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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