im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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