Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
