Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
