i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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