I murdered the dance floor call the cops
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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