I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
