when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Randomize
