Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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