I can text with my tongue
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
