She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
