Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
