How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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