i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
