I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize