apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I'm like, not good at living.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
