White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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