He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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