they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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