When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
