Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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