There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
