If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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