talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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