i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
