I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
He told me they were just razor bumps!
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
