they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Randomize
