I have demons in me.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
