I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
