ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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