did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
