It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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