Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
