wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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