how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
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I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
we should paint friendship bongs
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