is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
