yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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