if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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