the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
